"Music Can Bring Relationships Together"

 

           Are you a young person with autism who is shy about meeting new friends in the neurotypical

world? I sure had that experience and now I'm comfortable with it thanks to my love of music.  I bet

you think that sounds strange.  Music can really help people with autism and all kinds of special needs

fit in the world without special needs. I didn’t know that music was going to be such a big help to me

until I joined the School of Rock (SoR) in Chatham, New Jersey back in 2009.

Two of my best friends in SoR Chatham were and still are, Teddy Cole and Kate Parker. Neither have autism but they both support, care and love people with all special needs. As soon as we met, we clicked musically and as friends.  It may have helped that before they met me, they both had known other people with autism but none of them were musicians.  Neither one of them were concerned about me fitting in because of my autism. Teddy says that we were all young and just starting out together having fun and we all played very well together. Kate says that she was very worried about me and wanted to make sure that I was comfortable in the situation.  She said that she saw very quickly that I was a good drummer and would fit in with everybody.

Teddy is an amazing guitarist and singer/songwriter and Kate plays a mean sax, cool keys and is a high energy singer. They got started playing music at an early age but I didn’t start until I was about 13.  Ted began working on the guitar when he was 6 years old and loves it just as much 17 years later.  Kate picked up the saxophone when she was in the 4th grade and she only started singing and playing the keyboards when she first joined SoR.  All of us were a little bit shy about being in the School of Rock in the beginning but we became friends pretty fast.

Kate explains, "Getting on stage helps your confidence and helps you meet people."  I was never shy on any kind of stage or in front of any kind of crowd large or small but I was shy one- on-one.  Most neurotypical people are the opposite but that’s another unique thing about having autism and being a good band member.  We probably won’t get stage fright.

Since often people with autism have a hard time understanding or expressing emotions appropriately, music can be very helpful for us.  It can also be helpful if we pay attention to how other people react to the music we are playing.  Teddy reminds me that "Music can help lift people up."  It can make you feel happy, joyful and even optimistic. It can also help with stress release or if you feel sad. "What is a nice gift is to write somebody a song but if I want to express my emotions for myself, I play the guitar," Teddy shares, while Kate says "It's a nice way to challenge my energy and get things off my mind."

There are many different ways to communicate and music is a perfect language for me. A great feeling is when you practice with the band and then have a great show. "You're talking to someone through your instrument," says Teddy.  My friend and bandmate, Jake Mazza, also has autism and we communicate with each other through his bass guitar and my drum kit. We are essential to keep going for the rest of the band.  Kate loves being part of a band saying, "It's a lot more fun than playing alone because you make a bigger sound!"  Teddy and Kate both describe playing in a band as teamwork and I totally agree.

Being in a band isn’t always easy for neurotypical or people with autism. “Working together can be difficult especially when people don't listen or use their brains,” according to Teddy, then bad music results.  Unfortunately, there are some musicians who have attitude issues. Some claim that they know better or play better than their fellow bandmates. The best thing to do is to ignore them. This can be hard for people on the spectrum because we tend to want to follow rules and we know that’s not what you should do or we may get our feelings hurt very fast.  There’s no crying in rock and roll!  Everyone should be inspired by someone who plays a bit better or differently than you.  You never know if next time you will inspire someone else.    

There may always be people you have to play with that you wish you didn’t have to or play music you don’t like.  It doesn’t matter if you have special needs or not, that’s being in a band.  You may learn to like the person and the music.  You never know.  Kate has seen other musicians not getting along with each other and she says that it made her uncomfortable and hurt the quality of the music. Teddy warns that you don't pick your own all-star band or even the music you want to play, you just roll with it.  To prepare for the chance to someday maybe being a session or touring drummer to make money, I play or listen to music I don't typically enjoy.  Thankfully though, I have wide musical taste. 

 Being in a band is being a part of a group and that may not always be easy for someone with special needs. Both the neurotypical and special needs musicians have to be flexible to make great music.  Flexibility is the backbeat to success.

Let the love for music and performing take center stage and your disability will become a minor chord. Never give up your Rock 'N Roll Fantasy!